Ok. Here's the shit:
Clark University is amazing. The teachers are amazing (Dr. Lou from kickass Medieval Lit especially!!!). Well, the Analytical Reasoning is a waste of time. Dig for gold in my nose. But I'm in the class with my friends Keen, Ben G., Jeff and Michelle so it's awesome. Then I have Hebrew 101 which is good. It's not very amazing, but it's a good class--only 15 ppl I think. Hmmm...tomorrow is the first day of the Speculative Fiction seminar with Professor Huang, who is just about as awesome as Dr. Lou. Actually, I think they're both on par with each other.
The friends are great here, just like everything else. And guys actually like me as more than just 'one of the guys' and all that crap. But then there's the room mate situation. Why is it that I always get coupled with psychos? The girl hits me, laughs at me, has no social tact whatsoever. Is the most annoying human being I've ever met. And she's "nice" but the smacking in the face with random objects out of the blue is really starting to piss me off and sending her into the "fucktard bitch" category.
Just about everyone she's encountered can't stand her, thinks she's 'funny' but agree wholeheartedly with me and everyone else that she would be an awful thing to live with. I get the same response from everyone: "I'm so so sorry..."
Yeah. Me too.
So I've been on the phone with my parents about it and with Mark. For the past two days, crying about it. I'm sick of her freakish weird I-don't-know-what-the-hell-to-call-it porn-ish videos. And her smacking. And her dumbass laughing at nothing and all the making fun of me for nothing. I try being nice, but NOOOO. What do I get for it? A smashed watermelon for a face. (ok, it's not that bad, but it might get there.) So meanwhile, I've had about 10 RA meetings in the past week about it. Six of which have been in the last two or three days. Great. And apparently, I'm the one who has to switch. Hell no. I heard there's one way to get around it...if she's a sicko violent freak which means she has to move out. Good. I guess I she qualifies.
All right. Have to go now, because I have a visitor. Leave notes, please, if you read this. I'm lonely.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
It is Good
Things are still amazingly good. I have to register for classes tomorrow at 9am which should be interesting. Just about 500-something students all on the network rushing to get the classes they want and need. Joy.
We met with Professor Huang today, who is absolutely awesome. My seminar group rocks. They're all very smart and interesting, and most importantly, interested. Orientation is almost over, which is good. Overall, it has been surprisingly amusing and entertaining as well as informative. The only downside is that it's like a high school flashback...sex education and all that crap like we had just about every week in school for four years. I had it in middle school, too. But it will all be over tomorrow. Yayness.
Mark called me. Yay! To see how I'm doing at "Jew U" as he calls it. *shakes head* So we talked for a while and made me really happy as usual. It was quite amusing as I've been really happy as it is. That's nice, too. I did have an asthma attack right before then, though. That's the one bad thing about college. Smoking everywhere. Can't escape it. I walk through clouds of seconhand tar and end up getting dizzy and seeping into that state where death isn't so far off or unimaginable.
So I tell myself to breathe, breathe, breathe. It works. If everything goes well, it'll work forever. We forgot the nebulizer, so that has to be sent to me along with books, etc. I think in the scheme of things, the nebulizer is a tad bit more important than books, but you know me, and I put my grades and classes and all the shit that ends up being rather pointless before my body. I guess this is a bad thing, but I take care of myself pretty well anyhow, it's just that my priorities are a bit squewed. Oh well. Well, I guess in the long run, they're about even, so I shouldn't worry too much. My inhalers are amazing and relaxation seems to work.
And now I'm going to bed because I'm dead tired as usual. Welcome to the life of a college student!
We met with Professor Huang today, who is absolutely awesome. My seminar group rocks. They're all very smart and interesting, and most importantly, interested. Orientation is almost over, which is good. Overall, it has been surprisingly amusing and entertaining as well as informative. The only downside is that it's like a high school flashback...sex education and all that crap like we had just about every week in school for four years. I had it in middle school, too. But it will all be over tomorrow. Yayness.
Mark called me. Yay! To see how I'm doing at "Jew U" as he calls it. *shakes head* So we talked for a while and made me really happy as usual. It was quite amusing as I've been really happy as it is. That's nice, too. I did have an asthma attack right before then, though. That's the one bad thing about college. Smoking everywhere. Can't escape it. I walk through clouds of seconhand tar and end up getting dizzy and seeping into that state where death isn't so far off or unimaginable.
So I tell myself to breathe, breathe, breathe. It works. If everything goes well, it'll work forever. We forgot the nebulizer, so that has to be sent to me along with books, etc. I think in the scheme of things, the nebulizer is a tad bit more important than books, but you know me, and I put my grades and classes and all the shit that ends up being rather pointless before my body. I guess this is a bad thing, but I take care of myself pretty well anyhow, it's just that my priorities are a bit squewed. Oh well. Well, I guess in the long run, they're about even, so I shouldn't worry too much. My inhalers are amazing and relaxation seems to work.
And now I'm going to bed because I'm dead tired as usual. Welcome to the life of a college student!
At School
I haven't written for a few days, but I guess that's understandable. It's actually surprising I'm able to write this now. Orientation has been a bitch, taking up everything and is basically causing an onrush of High School flashbacks. Lovely. I won't do drugs. I won't do drugs! I think I know all this shit by now. Except now I can't have my wine for my heart, so let's watch the pressure go up UP UP!
Anyhow, Clark is amazing. Everyone is so nice. I've met Carolyn, Nick C., Ian, and Dan. They're all so awesome. Then, I met another Nick who sat listening to me play guitar and sing for about 2 hours. Beth and Erin (met them too) were more of an audience and they all gave me tips! I'm rich! Yeah. Right. Well, richer than I was. No way in hell I'm recovering my book money that Mom just "inadvertently" spent on shit.
Wonderful. I guess I'll just have to fail and blame it on her and give her a little guilt trip this time. "What do you want from me?" she says. And then has the nerve to call me up and call me "sweetie". Sweet this. Yeah. I'm kind of freaking. I'll be fine, right? I'll get all my books from cheapo stores, etc and everything will be fine.
Anyhow, Clark is amazing. Everyone is so nice. I've met Carolyn, Nick C., Ian, and Dan. They're all so awesome. Then, I met another Nick who sat listening to me play guitar and sing for about 2 hours. Beth and Erin (met them too) were more of an audience and they all gave me tips! I'm rich! Yeah. Right. Well, richer than I was. No way in hell I'm recovering my book money that Mom just "inadvertently" spent on shit.
Wonderful. I guess I'll just have to fail and blame it on her and give her a little guilt trip this time. "What do you want from me?" she says. And then has the nerve to call me up and call me "sweetie". Sweet this. Yeah. I'm kind of freaking. I'll be fine, right? I'll get all my books from cheapo stores, etc and everything will be fine.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Last Day Forever
Today is the last official day that I live with my parents. And the day is over. We're leaving tomorrow at some ridiculously early time (like 4 fucking 30 am). I really hope it's not that early. I'm going to die if it's that early because...I can't function then.
Anyway, Sam and Noah have been having bouts of misery breakdowns all evening.
"I don't want you to go!"
"What are we going to do without you?"
"What am I going to do with just Mom at home??"
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Sam is up right now because he's low...59. Ick. So he's eating. Farting all over the place, too and telling me that apparently his fart goes well with the calendar he's looking at because scuba divers have "all kinds of equipment that creates gas bubbles". *sigh* It's all he ever thinks of. Gas. Methan in particular.
Well, I guess this is the moment when I leave it all behind for better or worse. I really think it's better this way. Distance can be a friend sometimes, for some situations and there's one in particular that I don't know how to deal with right now, so not dealing with it seems great and everything's falling into place for that...so no excuses necessary.
Really, though, I'll miss my friends a lot. I saw Emma today for the last time for a while. I played her the new song and she got all teary-eyed (even though she wouldn't admit it...I totally saw it). Emma and Mark. I think I'll miss them the most. I was closest to them and they were both there for most of the time...even if one of them was being an ass. Now, I wonder, will I really know them in a year? Two years? Five years? Ten years? Will they fade into the past while others who go unnoticed now surprisingly stay in the picture? I hope they don't. Of all people, I hope they never fade. Or I for them. But I guess with friends, it works both ways or not at all, so of course it's them for me and I for them. And now I'm rambling because my feet hurt and my mind is shot and I've been packing all day.
Sam just gave me this amazingly sweet good-night kiss and told me he'd email me tomorrow. (And so it begins...) Well, I don't think I'll be able to blog for a little while, because I'll be on the road and busy busy with family (lovely) and meeting Charlie! I'm excited about meeting Charlie. Hmm...well we have to make it to New Jersey by tomorrow evening, and I want to get there early so I can see Carloyn and Ariana (best aunt ever...coolest cousin, too). :-D
So I'm going to sleep. I will update when I get the chance. I love all of you guys!
Anyway, Sam and Noah have been having bouts of misery breakdowns all evening.
"I don't want you to go!"
"What are we going to do without you?"
"What am I going to do with just Mom at home??"
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Sam is up right now because he's low...59. Ick. So he's eating. Farting all over the place, too and telling me that apparently his fart goes well with the calendar he's looking at because scuba divers have "all kinds of equipment that creates gas bubbles". *sigh* It's all he ever thinks of. Gas. Methan in particular.
Well, I guess this is the moment when I leave it all behind for better or worse. I really think it's better this way. Distance can be a friend sometimes, for some situations and there's one in particular that I don't know how to deal with right now, so not dealing with it seems great and everything's falling into place for that...so no excuses necessary.
Really, though, I'll miss my friends a lot. I saw Emma today for the last time for a while. I played her the new song and she got all teary-eyed (even though she wouldn't admit it...I totally saw it). Emma and Mark. I think I'll miss them the most. I was closest to them and they were both there for most of the time...even if one of them was being an ass. Now, I wonder, will I really know them in a year? Two years? Five years? Ten years? Will they fade into the past while others who go unnoticed now surprisingly stay in the picture? I hope they don't. Of all people, I hope they never fade. Or I for them. But I guess with friends, it works both ways or not at all, so of course it's them for me and I for them. And now I'm rambling because my feet hurt and my mind is shot and I've been packing all day.
Sam just gave me this amazingly sweet good-night kiss and told me he'd email me tomorrow. (And so it begins...) Well, I don't think I'll be able to blog for a little while, because I'll be on the road and busy busy with family (lovely) and meeting Charlie! I'm excited about meeting Charlie. Hmm...well we have to make it to New Jersey by tomorrow evening, and I want to get there early so I can see Carloyn and Ariana (best aunt ever...coolest cousin, too). :-D
So I'm going to sleep. I will update when I get the chance. I love all of you guys!
Monday, August 15, 2005
Middle School Days Begin...
Because I've just typed out the current conversation my brothers have been having with me and my so-far internet acquaintance, Dan, I'll cut and paste the amazing IM convo here. *Sigh* People still had cooties when I was eleven!!
(22:19:53) a HangMansBurden: *little men have invaded*
(22:20:57) helfyrebrimstone: hey guys!
(22:21:11) a HangMansBurden: they're all perky now
(22:21:19) a HangMansBurden: noah knows who you are....sam doesn't
(22:22:14) a HangMansBurden: sam says...*sigh* SAM says "oh...hi crotch-o" (just like my brother to say that...:-() noah says "ugh...it burns!!!!"
(22:22:32) a HangMansBurden: *sigh*
(22:24:23) helfyrebrimstone: SIGH
(22:24:23) a HangMansBurden: my brother is telling me about his 6th sex ed class
(22:24:39) a HangMansBurden: "don't have sex because then you'll get in trouble and have babies" says the sex nurse.
(22:25:13) a HangMansBurden: "and then she's like 'don't advertise, because then you're going to make people wanna have MORE!'"
(22:25:28) a HangMansBurden: "and then she's like 'just...promise me you WON"T HAVE SEX!!!!"
(22:25:32) a HangMansBurden: (to 11 yr olds...)
(22:25:35) a HangMansBurden: LMAO
(22:25:35) helfyrebrimstone: lol
(22:25:53) a HangMansBurden: "she's like, last year, ppl had sex when they weren't supposed to and had herpes."
(22:26:42) a HangMansBurden: *sidenote: Hightower Trail Middle School had unexpected epidemic of genital herpes (in the mouth area of female students, genital area of male) in the 6th and 7th grades....
(22:26:47) a HangMansBurden: last year....
(22:26:52) a HangMansBurden: (lovely...)
(22:27:27) helfyrebrimstone: lol
(22:27:59) a HangMansBurden: "so my math teacher in the first day of school she comes in and she's like, ok, we're discussing clubs and there's this ummmm character building class that helps people who need roofs over their heads and stuff like that and medical attention and she's like OK last year, people had sex and there was a herpes epidemic. it's NOT GOOD. DON'T DO IT!"
(22:28:04) a HangMansBurden: to sixth graders!!!!!
(22:28:25) a HangMansBurden: "It will hurt you and then you will be sick and after that you won't feel good and the people you have sex with won't feel good and then you'll have CHILDREN!!!!"
(22:28:32) helfyrebrimstone: lol
(22:28:56) a HangMansBurden: oy
(22:29:48) a HangMansBurden: "jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. jack got high, unzipped his fly and asked jill "do ya wanna?? jill said "yes" took off her dress and soon they had some fun. but silly jill forgot her pill and now they have a son!!!"
(22:29:54) a HangMansBurden: ":-D"
(22:30:32) a HangMansBurden: middle school these days
(22:30:34) helfyrebrimstone: haha
(22:30:44) a HangMansBurden: OY
(22:32:28) a HangMansBurden: you're making it into my blog again.
(22:32:43) helfyrebrimstone: i am?
And the saga shall continue...
(22:19:53) a HangMansBurden: *little men have invaded*
(22:20:57) helfyrebrimstone: hey guys!
(22:21:11) a HangMansBurden: they're all perky now
(22:21:19) a HangMansBurden: noah knows who you are....sam doesn't
(22:22:14) a HangMansBurden: sam says...*sigh* SAM says "oh...hi crotch-o" (just like my brother to say that...:-() noah says "ugh...it burns!!!!"
(22:22:32) a HangMansBurden: *sigh*
(22:24:23) helfyrebrimstone: SIGH
(22:24:23) a HangMansBurden: my brother is telling me about his 6th sex ed class
(22:24:39) a HangMansBurden: "don't have sex because then you'll get in trouble and have babies" says the sex nurse.
(22:25:13) a HangMansBurden: "and then she's like 'don't advertise, because then you're going to make people wanna have MORE!'"
(22:25:28) a HangMansBurden: "and then she's like 'just...promise me you WON"T HAVE SEX!!!!"
(22:25:32) a HangMansBurden: (to 11 yr olds...)
(22:25:35) a HangMansBurden: LMAO
(22:25:35) helfyrebrimstone: lol
(22:25:53) a HangMansBurden: "she's like, last year, ppl had sex when they weren't supposed to and had herpes."
(22:26:42) a HangMansBurden: *sidenote: Hightower Trail Middle School had unexpected epidemic of genital herpes (in the mouth area of female students, genital area of male) in the 6th and 7th grades....
(22:26:47) a HangMansBurden: last year....
(22:26:52) a HangMansBurden: (lovely...)
(22:27:27) helfyrebrimstone: lol
(22:27:59) a HangMansBurden: "so my math teacher in the first day of school she comes in and she's like, ok, we're discussing clubs and there's this ummmm character building class that helps people who need roofs over their heads and stuff like that and medical attention and she's like OK last year, people had sex and there was a herpes epidemic. it's NOT GOOD. DON'T DO IT!"
(22:28:04) a HangMansBurden: to sixth graders!!!!!
(22:28:25) a HangMansBurden: "It will hurt you and then you will be sick and after that you won't feel good and the people you have sex with won't feel good and then you'll have CHILDREN!!!!"
(22:28:32) helfyrebrimstone: lol
(22:28:56) a HangMansBurden: oy
(22:29:48) a HangMansBurden: "jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. jack got high, unzipped his fly and asked jill "do ya wanna?? jill said "yes" took off her dress and soon they had some fun. but silly jill forgot her pill and now they have a son!!!"
(22:29:54) a HangMansBurden: ":-D"
(22:30:32) a HangMansBurden: middle school these days
(22:30:34) helfyrebrimstone: haha
(22:30:44) a HangMansBurden: OY
(22:32:28) a HangMansBurden: you're making it into my blog again.
(22:32:43) helfyrebrimstone: i am?
And the saga shall continue...
Freedom for the Butterfly
Perhaps yesterday was a Sunday,
falsely proclaiming itself head of the week
when it was Saturday--only the last.
None of it mattered
in this brief respite of Time
because the mornings roll on
and the evenings always follow.
But where will you be
when mine stops just short
of the twilight?
falsely proclaiming itself head of the week
when it was Saturday--only the last.
None of it mattered
in this brief respite of Time
because the mornings roll on
and the evenings always follow.
But where will you be
when mine stops just short
of the twilight?
Thinking on the Latest
Everyone is gone, the new era in our lives begun. I will surely miss them all. We have our whole lives ahead of us, and I truly hope we make the best and most of the time. The unknown isn't so scary anymore, just almost discovered. I know we'll lose a lot. Some of us will lose our childhood and its memory. Some of us will lose our zeal for life. Some of us will lose our wisdom and live the remainder of our lives under the illusions of age. But some of us will gain experience, compile it with the wisdom of youth and never grow old.
Some of us will gain love, live for it and die with it. Some of us will gain sadness, disillusionment. Some of us will gain bliss. None of us can know from here just what our futures hold. But if we never forget who we are on this day, if we never forget who we were, all youth and age, ignorance and knowledge, will come together to create a life that truly never loses itself along the way. I pray that all my friends--old and not made yet--to never lose a bit of what is good and never take to heart what isn't. Since I am already lost to that cause, I only pray that my heart be lightened and that I remain as I am now, in essence, for the rest of my life, because I am content with it; and that the day when I look back upon this page and say "What a nice wish that never had a chance" never comes to be.
Some of us will gain love, live for it and die with it. Some of us will gain sadness, disillusionment. Some of us will gain bliss. None of us can know from here just what our futures hold. But if we never forget who we are on this day, if we never forget who we were, all youth and age, ignorance and knowledge, will come together to create a life that truly never loses itself along the way. I pray that all my friends--old and not made yet--to never lose a bit of what is good and never take to heart what isn't. Since I am already lost to that cause, I only pray that my heart be lightened and that I remain as I am now, in essence, for the rest of my life, because I am content with it; and that the day when I look back upon this page and say "What a nice wish that never had a chance" never comes to be.
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