There's a lighthouse in the harbour
Giving guidance with its light
But I have no one return to
As I wander through the night
From the first time that I saw you
Standing silent by the shore
I knew my search was all over
And I would look for love no more
Deep in the waters of love I am falling
Sinking like a stone
Deep in my heart I can hear love calling
Going once! going twice! going gone!
Going once! going twice! going gone!
There's a ship on the horizon
Making its way against the wind
and from the place where I stand watching
I swear my ship is coming in
Deep in the waters of love I am falling
Sinking like a stone
Deep in my heart I can hear love calling
Going once! going twice! going gone!
Going once! going twice! going gone!
Deep in the waters of love I am falling
Sikining like a stone
Deep in my heart I can hear love calling
Going once! going twice! going gone!
Going once! going twice! going gone!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Just for you in my drunk exhausted state
It's not an oval, it's not a twitch. It's not a jaw-movement-back-and-forth, not a scrunch. Not a frown or a smile, but an annoying circular motion of the lips. I can see no muscle movement. No jaw movement. No anything. So how the HELL does he DO IT!?!?! It's so DAMNED ANNOYING! STOP IT!
I'm begging him, STOP IT! And I'll see him in a few hours...ok, my time is all messed up. Tomorrow (Tuesday) first thing in the morning. The circle will prevail. The motion. Like centrepetal force pulling his lips around and around his face. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
It's not HUMANLY POSSIBLE!!!
Try it. I dare you. *circle* Betty Boop can't even attain the motion except through some horrible, awful, dreadful mistake of the placement of her little pout by a very uneducated, dull-witted animator.
Yet the boy does it. *Wumph*
Just shoot me.
I'm begging him, STOP IT! And I'll see him in a few hours...ok, my time is all messed up. Tomorrow (Tuesday) first thing in the morning. The circle will prevail. The motion. Like centrepetal force pulling his lips around and around his face. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
It's not HUMANLY POSSIBLE!!!
Try it. I dare you. *circle* Betty Boop can't even attain the motion except through some horrible, awful, dreadful mistake of the placement of her little pout by a very uneducated, dull-witted animator.
Yet the boy does it. *Wumph*
Just shoot me.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Maine Run
I went up to Maine today with Jordana and her mother. It took us about 8 hours because we stopped in about a million places on the way up. So the 2 hour trip was quadrupled. Anyhow, we stopped at the Ba'hai school, Green Acre, where Jordana spent the summer and clothing stores to get Jordana a coat. She got this awesome one and I want it!! I got a really nice pair of leather gloves because of the cold that has suddenly ambushed me (first snow today!) and then we went to the ocean and looked at rocks and kelp and the waves. Afterwards, we went to Maine's most famous lighthouse. I don't know what it's called but it's the absolute stereotypical lighthouse, equipped with the red flashing light, the house attached to it, the rocky coves and tide pools surrounding it, and no way to get to it by boat or dolly.
Next, we finally made it to their area, and stopped off to get this amazing homemade apple pie that I'm dying for again. Just as we pulled up to that, I finished making my hat that goes with my scarf. Yay! I talked to Lindsay for abotu 8 million hours and told her I'd make her a matching set like mine if she buys the yarn. Peacock color rocks. Naomi is making a blanket from it and it's amazing.
Finally, finally, we made it to the farm. I went right to the computer and finished my medieval lit paper...before 9:00!!!!! MiRACLE OF MIRACLES. Kienan from home edited over the internet and I'm such a dork that I actually cut and pasted all his comments into a file so that I can go back to it tomorrow and put them all in before I go peer edit with Keen and Rachel.
On top of things, Kienan just told me (reminded me) that tonight daylight's saving time ends! Hell YES! And extra hour of sleep!
While I was having my 8 million hour conversation with Lindsay Mark called to tell me that he was calling me. No shit. And then I said I'd call back and he said his phone would be off because he had no batteries. So: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING ME WITH NO BATTERIES?!?!!? I don't understand people who do that. Whatever.
In the middle of the 8 million hours I tried to help get Jordana's pants hemmed but that didn't go over so well. One pair was red and bleached at the bottom so she said she'd color the white spot in with permanent marker. *what a strange, ingenious idea?????* And now I'm exhausted.
MUST SLEEP.
Next, we finally made it to their area, and stopped off to get this amazing homemade apple pie that I'm dying for again. Just as we pulled up to that, I finished making my hat that goes with my scarf. Yay! I talked to Lindsay for abotu 8 million hours and told her I'd make her a matching set like mine if she buys the yarn. Peacock color rocks. Naomi is making a blanket from it and it's amazing.
Finally, finally, we made it to the farm. I went right to the computer and finished my medieval lit paper...before 9:00!!!!! MiRACLE OF MIRACLES. Kienan from home edited over the internet and I'm such a dork that I actually cut and pasted all his comments into a file so that I can go back to it tomorrow and put them all in before I go peer edit with Keen and Rachel.
On top of things, Kienan just told me (reminded me) that tonight daylight's saving time ends! Hell YES! And extra hour of sleep!
While I was having my 8 million hour conversation with Lindsay Mark called to tell me that he was calling me. No shit. And then I said I'd call back and he said his phone would be off because he had no batteries. So: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING ME WITH NO BATTERIES?!?!!? I don't understand people who do that. Whatever.
In the middle of the 8 million hours I tried to help get Jordana's pants hemmed but that didn't go over so well. One pair was red and bleached at the bottom so she said she'd color the white spot in with permanent marker. *what a strange, ingenious idea?????* And now I'm exhausted.
MUST SLEEP.
Friday, October 28, 2005
More Paper
I'm procrastinating with David Coyne outside the Hillel office. And not doing the paper. I will do the paper shortly. When I leave and go to the library and get a book on werewolf symbolism and paganism blah blah blah.
I got almost three whole pages written last night. So yay. Maybe it won't be so bad after all. It's supposed to snow tomorrow! Snow! I'm not really looking forward to such a long winter but I guess that's what I get for going to the cold. I love the cold, but I don't like the lack of color. Bland to the eyes. I've heard people say that the white bores into you so much and depresses the whole world that people cut their wrists just to see the bright red when they bleed.
I got almost three whole pages written last night. So yay. Maybe it won't be so bad after all. It's supposed to snow tomorrow! Snow! I'm not really looking forward to such a long winter but I guess that's what I get for going to the cold. I love the cold, but I don't like the lack of color. Bland to the eyes. I've heard people say that the white bores into you so much and depresses the whole world that people cut their wrists just to see the bright red when they bleed.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Midterm etc
So I just got out of the midterm for Medieval Lit about an hour ago. Not so bad, I don't think. Hopefully, that'll prove to be true. I guess I was stressing more about the midterm than I thought because as soon as I was done I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Now I have to go back to that paper. I'm stressing beyond measure over that one. It's ridiculous. I feel like I'm failing out of college when I think about it and everything. Thank G-d the SpecFic essay was moved back to Thursday. I would have really died if it had remained Tuesday. That would have killed me. Keen, too. I'm out now. Iquo's coming home, though!! So exciting. All because I'm desperate and don't spend any money.
Now I have to go back to that paper. I'm stressing beyond measure over that one. It's ridiculous. I feel like I'm failing out of college when I think about it and everything. Thank G-d the SpecFic essay was moved back to Thursday. I would have really died if it had remained Tuesday. That would have killed me. Keen, too. I'm out now. Iquo's coming home, though!! So exciting. All because I'm desperate and don't spend any money.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Grieving for the Seraphim
Some people fade. Many people fade. They fade into the hovering, glowering mists of the dirty Past that pound at my consciousness. So let them fade. Whether they be sister, friend, or brother. Let them fade until there is no memory.
I'll throw you back there. I'll throw you back so that it will all be black. I'll throw you back so that my mind knows nothing of you. I'll think of you like I think of Africa--that far off continent I know nothing of. Where the sun pounds ceaselessly, yet looms high and low like a dark abyss in my mind.
Make me come around. The angels loom. I turne and they stand across from me, around me, inside me.
"You're delusion, aren't you?"
"No."
"Liar!"
"Make us end, then, Little Girl. Make us end."
"What happened to our Dreaming?"
"Aah, what happened? You taste the distraction, Little Girl. You feel the wind. You feel your life. You are growing up."
"What's that got to do with Dreaming, Uriel?"
The angel smiles. "Everything."
"Uriel! Don't leave me! Don't leave me now!"
"The sand and the stone are one. The rain and the sea are one. Dream of all that is good and bad and you will find that the Dream goes on."
"Without me?"
"No. Without anyone. All Dreams intertwine. We are the difference. The homogenuity. We are the same, Little Girl."
If he had hands, his fingers would be reaching, caressing my chin. But he doesn't, so I feel where he would be.
"Will she forget me? Like everyone else?" I ask.
The angel looks down and I can't interpret his expression, because, like all angels, he has none, except what I imagine it to be. If I could see, I imagine it would be sorrow.
"Yes, Little Girl. She will forget you. Like everyone else."
"Why?"
"Because you are too much to take."
"They don't think so."
"Aah. They are different."
"Can I ask you a question again?"
"As always."
"Are they you?"
He smiles again. I can almost see it this time.
"Yes?" I ask.
"They feel you, Little Girl. They give up nothing for a heart. They were born with hearts."
"Do they love me? So that they won't forget me?"
"Who can tell from this moment?"
"You know everything, you said. All Eternity. Where has that gone?"
"To sleep, Little Girl. To sleep."
"Your Sight has gone to sleep?"
"No. My heart is born. I will not fall again."
The angel looks away.
"What is it?"
"The desert calls."
"Wait!"
He turns back.
"Yes?"
"Did I destroy you, Uriel?"
"Yes."
"Did I destroy others?"
"You will."
"I don't mean to. I don't mean to break hearts."
"I know, Little Girl. I know," he whispers.
"Like you know Eternity?"
"You saw me the other day. The other boy you dream about."
My eyes snapped to where his would be if he had them.
"That was you?"
"Yes. Go to him."
"No."
"Yes. I am real."
"You are an angel."
"I am human. Human for a lifetime, then back to empyrean skies."
"That's why he's always smiling and passing me by..."
"Yes, Little Girl. That's why I'm always smiling and passing you by."
"Uriel?"
"Yes, Little Girl?"
"Why?"
"Because I promised you."
"You didn't save me."
"No."
"He didn't either, did he?"
"No."
I smiled as happiness spread over me.
"I saved myself."
"Aah, Little Girl. Now you understand."
I smiled again.
And the angel was gone.
I'll throw you back there. I'll throw you back so that it will all be black. I'll throw you back so that my mind knows nothing of you. I'll think of you like I think of Africa--that far off continent I know nothing of. Where the sun pounds ceaselessly, yet looms high and low like a dark abyss in my mind.
Make me come around. The angels loom. I turne and they stand across from me, around me, inside me.
"You're delusion, aren't you?"
"No."
"Liar!"
"Make us end, then, Little Girl. Make us end."
"What happened to our Dreaming?"
"Aah, what happened? You taste the distraction, Little Girl. You feel the wind. You feel your life. You are growing up."
"What's that got to do with Dreaming, Uriel?"
The angel smiles. "Everything."
"Uriel! Don't leave me! Don't leave me now!"
"The sand and the stone are one. The rain and the sea are one. Dream of all that is good and bad and you will find that the Dream goes on."
"Without me?"
"No. Without anyone. All Dreams intertwine. We are the difference. The homogenuity. We are the same, Little Girl."
If he had hands, his fingers would be reaching, caressing my chin. But he doesn't, so I feel where he would be.
"Will she forget me? Like everyone else?" I ask.
The angel looks down and I can't interpret his expression, because, like all angels, he has none, except what I imagine it to be. If I could see, I imagine it would be sorrow.
"Yes, Little Girl. She will forget you. Like everyone else."
"Why?"
"Because you are too much to take."
"They don't think so."
"Aah. They are different."
"Can I ask you a question again?"
"As always."
"Are they you?"
He smiles again. I can almost see it this time.
"Yes?" I ask.
"They feel you, Little Girl. They give up nothing for a heart. They were born with hearts."
"Do they love me? So that they won't forget me?"
"Who can tell from this moment?"
"You know everything, you said. All Eternity. Where has that gone?"
"To sleep, Little Girl. To sleep."
"Your Sight has gone to sleep?"
"No. My heart is born. I will not fall again."
The angel looks away.
"What is it?"
"The desert calls."
"Wait!"
He turns back.
"Yes?"
"Did I destroy you, Uriel?"
"Yes."
"Did I destroy others?"
"You will."
"I don't mean to. I don't mean to break hearts."
"I know, Little Girl. I know," he whispers.
"Like you know Eternity?"
"You saw me the other day. The other boy you dream about."
My eyes snapped to where his would be if he had them.
"That was you?"
"Yes. Go to him."
"No."
"Yes. I am real."
"You are an angel."
"I am human. Human for a lifetime, then back to empyrean skies."
"That's why he's always smiling and passing me by..."
"Yes, Little Girl. That's why I'm always smiling and passing you by."
"Uriel?"
"Yes, Little Girl?"
"Why?"
"Because I promised you."
"You didn't save me."
"No."
"He didn't either, did he?"
"No."
I smiled as happiness spread over me.
"I saved myself."
"Aah, Little Girl. Now you understand."
I smiled again.
And the angel was gone.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Again and Again
Power went out again in the quad. wtf? Anyhow, I've just gotten off work, rushed over to this computer to check some stuff due to power outage and find out it was back on awhile ago, so hopefully, I'll have nothing to worry about. After this, I'm running to the library to do that research and then find Keen and work on the papers. Joyous. Then, back to work. I finished The Man in the High Castle and all the Hebrew homework, minus the 6 other sentences about "me." I'll do those later. As in tomorrow. And then there's AR homework but easy stuff. Then, maybe maybe maybe I can rest. Do all the research today, write the paper tomorrow. Be done by Thursday. Then do the other paper. And now there's some issue with whether I can go to Maine or not because Dan D(the second) says he forgot about the coverage and might not be able to do it! Damn it.
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