Grieving for the Seraphim

Some people fade. Many people fade. They fade into the hovering, glowering mists of the dirty Past that pound at my consciousness. So let them fade. Whether they be sister, friend, or brother. Let them fade until there is no memory.

I'll throw you back there. I'll throw you back so that it will all be black. I'll throw you back so that my mind knows nothing of you. I'll think of you like I think of Africa--that far off continent I know nothing of. Where the sun pounds ceaselessly, yet looms high and low like a dark abyss in my mind.

Make me come around. The angels loom. I turne and they stand across from me, around me, inside me.

"You're delusion, aren't you?"
"No."
"Liar!"
"Make us end, then, Little Girl. Make us end."
"What happened to our Dreaming?"
"Aah, what happened? You taste the distraction, Little Girl. You feel the wind. You feel your life. You are growing up."
"What's that got to do with Dreaming, Uriel?"
The angel smiles. "Everything."
"Uriel! Don't leave me! Don't leave me now!"
"The sand and the stone are one. The rain and the sea are one. Dream of all that is good and bad and you will find that the Dream goes on."
"Without me?"
"No. Without anyone. All Dreams intertwine. We are the difference. The homogenuity. We are the same, Little Girl."
If he had hands, his fingers would be reaching, caressing my chin. But he doesn't, so I feel where he would be.
"Will she forget me? Like everyone else?" I ask.
The angel looks down and I can't interpret his expression, because, like all angels, he has none, except what I imagine it to be. If I could see, I imagine it would be sorrow.
"Yes, Little Girl. She will forget you. Like everyone else."
"Why?"
"Because you are too much to take."
"They don't think so."
"Aah. They are different."
"Can I ask you a question again?"
"As always."
"Are they you?"
He smiles again. I can almost see it this time.
"Yes?" I ask.
"They feel you, Little Girl. They give up nothing for a heart. They were born with hearts."
"Do they love me? So that they won't forget me?"
"Who can tell from this moment?"
"You know everything, you said. All Eternity. Where has that gone?"
"To sleep, Little Girl. To sleep."
"Your Sight has gone to sleep?"
"No. My heart is born. I will not fall again."
The angel looks away.
"What is it?"
"The desert calls."
"Wait!"
He turns back.
"Yes?"
"Did I destroy you, Uriel?"
"Yes."
"Did I destroy others?"
"You will."
"I don't mean to. I don't mean to break hearts."
"I know, Little Girl. I know," he whispers.
"Like you know Eternity?"
"You saw me the other day. The other boy you dream about."
My eyes snapped to where his would be if he had them.
"That was you?"
"Yes. Go to him."
"No."
"Yes. I am real."
"You are an angel."
"I am human. Human for a lifetime, then back to empyrean skies."
"That's why he's always smiling and passing me by..."
"Yes, Little Girl. That's why I'm always smiling and passing you by."
"Uriel?"
"Yes, Little Girl?"
"Why?"
"Because I promised you."
"You didn't save me."
"No."
"He didn't either, did he?"
"No."
I smiled as happiness spread over me.
"I saved myself."
"Aah, Little Girl. Now you understand."
I smiled again.
And the angel was gone.