For now, I'm happy. I feel like maybe I'm getting my best friend back. If I am, I feel like we needed this terrible period. And we'll need some more. But this proves we're strong. We can bend without cracking.

As long as I have this, I don't need anything else. And maybe I'll want to try some things with other people, people who'll make me happy, people who will drop me, people who will make my heart grow, and people who will shatter it. But I hope he's there to pick those pieces up--no. Not pick them up. Force me to. Because that's what a best friend is for.

On the other side of things, for the first time, I feel like maybe I can actually love, or at least have the beginning of that feeling. Of course I don't trust it. But someone told me that falling in love isn't for trusting. It's for getting lost in. I've never been lost in it, but I think I'd love to be. If only for a little while.

And then when I find myself again, or when I find the world again, I can fall back into the pattern and the best friend I've ever had might just be there waiting, like I will be.

I think there'll be a lot of getting-losts. I'm ready for that now, I think. Maybe I'm growing up.