Another year's over. They slip by but this one was really hard. Mainly because I fell so hard from the highest altitude yet. (Figuratively speaking.) I think my goal for next year is to actually climb a tree. And get down.

I guess it all makes sense once you put it all together. Trust instinct...and that says never trust. But always love. So I do. I never trust but I always love and I guess is a time when people start fessing up. About who they love and who they are incapable of loving in certain ways. Not everyone, of course, but one person in particular.

It's funny when you love someone your whole life and the whole time everything's a mixed message. You wonder what really is their desire and when you finally find out, it's something you felt the whole time but didn't want to admit. Then you understand them because they didn't want to admit it either. So it's all out now and I'm in.

Soon, I'll be back in the Old World. The last time I was there, I fell in love with it and couldn't ever really drag my heart back across the Atlantic. We'll see if the feeling still remains.

My parents were pestering me about those fucking Jews in Luxembourg. How I would probably like the whole "European" kind of person better. Of course, that only means Jews. People are people and they still don't get that I don't give a shit about Jews. Jews ruined me and I can't stand them. They're lucky I stuck with them. But like I said, I can't run away from my blood. I just don't want to be lonely anymore but I know it'll always be that way. So I brace myself for empty rooms and nights and days alone, not waiting, but having given up.