Without thinking, I ran. In retrospect, how could I have ever been so stupid? But a child is ignorant, and so was I. I'd put the babies in the barn alone. Seven months old and almost consumed by fire because of my thoughtlessness. But Betty never protested. There had been many nights she'd put me to sleep in the barn on the hay. What are the odds? Thus are the tribulations born of staying in one place.

I ran into the pitch black smoke and followed my instinct through the flickering flames and the acrid air to where I'd put the boys. Betty was near me, but it didn't matter. I hardly felt her. Once I'd been consumed by water, drowned in it, buried. Now, I'd begun to rebuild and fire would destroy me all over again.

"Here, Agnes! The babies are here!" Betty yelled through the din.
A surge of fury swept through me and rushed to them and tore Betty away.
"Don't you touch them! Don't touch them!" I screamed and I yanked her away from my children and scooped them up in their blankets and covered them. I squeezed them into me and ran, navigating through the burning barn blindly. Part of me registered that I was being burned, the flames licking me, grabbing at my arms and legs.

My baby Judah was choking and when I'd gotten far away, onto the road, out of sight of the barn, I put them down. Phin was silent and Judah was choking, but Judah was all right. I turned to Phin and unwrapped him from the blanket, put my hand over his body and felt for breathing. He was alive. Both of them, alive. More than alive, absolutely unharmed.

"Judah boy," I whispered and the baby looked up at me, his choking gradually fading away. I stroked his cheek and he gurgled, a little baby gurgle and I was satisfied.

Then, I turned to Phinnaeus. The baby stared up at me, had been watching me. His gaze was eerily mature, not the gaze of a child, not the gaze of an infant. "Phinny,"I breathed in his ear as I lifted him up to my shoulder. "Phinny," I said again, but the baby didn't make a sound. I held him at arm's length in front of me, and somehow, I could see his eyes clearly in the dark. Fear had made my senses particularly acute tonight. I'd almost lost them and I need every moment. Still, I could lose them. Phinnaeus stared at me accusingly, his expression pointing out all my flaws. His gaze and his silence said one thing: "You left us, Early Silver. You left us to burn."

A firetruck passed us on the road, sirens screaming full ahead. Then another, then another. A violent shudder passed through me and came back. Then didn't stop. Something was missing and it was my fault again. Suddenly, I remembered Betty. I'd pushed her away in the middle of the flames. Where was she? A demon awoke in my stomach and I put Phinnaeus down, got up, clambered a few steps away and vomited.

I turned back to the boys knelt on my knees before them and knew I had to get out of the road. First water, then fire. I couldn't risk more with earth, matter hurling itself full speed at us down the road. At least this one would be painless and instant. "No. Don't think like this," I thought. I gulped down air and steadied myself. "Mind over matter, Early. Mind over matter," I repeated over and over until I had control of my body. When my limbs were steady and my breathing regular, I stood up and stretched. In the distance, I could hear the firemen working and the crackling of the fire being put out. I picked up the boys and held them to me, squeezed them hard for a moment. Judah yelped. Phin groaned.

I looked both way down the road and turned back towards the house and put one foot in front of the other. For better or worse, I had to find Betty.