"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing?-- it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies." -Jack Kerouac, On the Road

I swear, you can go up and down, through hell and back and think you've seen it all. When my brother was around, we saw it all together, living from one bright moon to the next. But people aren't always around. We lived our lives like sand in the wind, never staying put for too long. Doesn't matter anyway. Whether you sit or whether you roll, the great world will beat you down or rise you up depending on the whims of nothing but complete and utter chaos. It all depends on the moment.

One moment at the dawn of our second decade and the eve of our first, Phin and I encountered a moment that changed us forever. But what can a ten-year-old do when it's him against the strength of a man and he's though up until then that the world is a fairytale? I guess me and Phin both are survivors, but I survived less, and so make up for it with survivor's guilt. Phin runs off into the sunset and I stay with our mother, Early, as she winds over and over this world, tying the ribbons of the road together in bows around us, and somehow, Phin finds us again and rides high on life just to spite the darkest night of his life.

Some nights, boys can't forget. Not when they steal your dignity. Some nights, I guess, stick with you and behind your eyes they're all you can ever see. That moment becomes a border: Before and After. On both sides of that divide, we were just looking for a place to sleep and somwhere to call home. Now, though, I know that I've always been home, sitting still or running fast, watching the scenery go by in a blurr. I just took the long route around to figure that out and on the way I lost and gained more than most people see in a good, long lifetime. But that's the way it goes.