Before I actually start this entry, I just have to say that I'm ultimately pissed right now, because everyone (my dad) knows it's Wednesday, and he knows it's the Wednesday I have Writer's Club and he also knows that I only have one left, yet my brothers get to go gallivanting in the fucking pool instead. And it doesn't even have anything to do with not having a license. Because Mom is off on that stupid business workshop again, so I wouldn't have a car anyway.
Moving on.
I told a friend of mine earlier (you know who you are) that I'd post this up here instead of retelling it a million times to everyone, so now you can just come here and read it all in detail.
It concerns the good ol' high school days that I loved so much and just had to graduate early from. The reason I graduated early is really many reasons, one of the most pressing ones being the idiot Student Guidance Counselor whom we all affectionately call Ms. Bladderwart.
Now, once upon a time in Freshman year, we all had to create a student course path which entailed pre-enrollment in classes that wouldn't be coming up in our schedules, sometimes, for at least a year or two. It all began with the math and drama fuck-up by Bladderwart that came to light in the second semester of my Sophomore year.
Basically, I had passed Honors Geometry, and even though I had made my first B ever in it, considering I suck at math, an 86 in Honors was pretty good for me, even though I wasn't very happy with it at the time. (How I would be enlightened later on, though...) So Bladderwart (sometimes known as Bedwetter and other related names) neglected to put me in Honors math for the Spring of Sophomore year. Instead, I was put into on-level math...well, eventually. First I was put in Special Ed math where they counted little colored bears.
Onnnne plusss Onnne eeequaaalsss TWOOO.
Yeah. I ran out and went back to the scheduling office. "You messed it up. I'm an honor student" (fucktards) "and you put me in special ed elementary math when I'm supposed to be in Honors Algebra 2!!" "Oh sorry" they said. Right. So they send me to this other class which was cool. Except it was on-level math. I can't stand on-level classes and at this point I'd never been in one. I spent 3 days there, got scared shitless by the general population of the class and rushed back to Bedwetter. She says she can't do anything about it. More like won't because I'm lazy do anything about it. So I ended up dropping math entirely as a Sophomore. Instead, I took an overload of Acting. Two periods in a row: Musical Theatre (disastrous) and then Children's Theatre right after it (more disastrous) each for an hour-and-a-half. Then after school rehearsals until 10:30. Sometimes the idiot drama teacher pushed us to midnight. How the hell did I make it through? No idea.
Anyway, because of this schedule shit, I ended up taking Honors Algebra 2 in the fall of Junior year instead (with the best teacher I've ever had, by the way) and then everything seemed ok. UNTIL. Until, until, until. Spring came around. I'd put on the course sign-up back in freshman year and sophomore year AND Junior year that I wanted Advanced Trig and not Hell Class Analysis. So what does Buttblaster schedule me for? ANALYSIS!
I didn't learn a thing the entire time from that teacher. It was awful. I spent at least 3.5 hours a night on that class alone, more energy, more effort, etc etc (while I was also in APUSH...AP US History for those of you who don't know) and I barely passed 3 of the 14 tests. Somehow, I managed to pass the class with a 75. Worst grade ever. Hopefully the worst grade of my life past and future. Anyway, because she fucked up with the maths, she didn't put me in Honors Chemistry. So I had to push science into my Senior year! So no math Sophomore year and no science, Junior. Lovely.
Going into Senior year my schedule looked like this:
Fall-
AP Calc AB
Honors Chem
AP Government
AP Literature
Spring-
AP Calc BC
AP Art History
AP Econ
AP European History
Fucking kill me now. This is a case where euthenasia is most certainly welcome. Anyhow, I went to Israel for six weeks in the summer between Junior and Senior year and luckily, that prompted a vision of the hell I was about to go into.
"What the hell am I thinking?" I thought. "Look how much creativity comes out of me when I'm not wasting my time on shit I'll never use for the rest of my life! I know I'm a great student, etc etc. Why push overachievement more than you have to?" So I didn't. I called up my dad from Israel, said "Dad, I'm either graduating early or I'm dropping out of high school. there are only three core classes I need to graduate. I'm not wasting another year with Ledbetter's dumbass scheduling."
I got home, marched into school with my mother (who's devil personality can come very much in handy at times like this), exploded into Bladderwart's office. Well, first of all, she'd done so much work on my schedule, I didn't even have one. I had a blank sheet of paper.
"My daughter only needs these three credits to graduate," my mother announced. "I want her to take these this semester and graduate early. I'll sign the paperwork," gives her an evil glare, "Oh, and I want her to have minimum day, too." (Thank the universe for block scheduling.) This is where Bladderwart suddenly tips forward onto her desk and holds her head in her hands and doesn't talk for about two minutes. My mother and I sat there staring at each other.
Finally, Bedwetter looks up and says "Sorry. I seem to be having a dizzy spell."
She gets up and comes back a few minutes later with the schedule and we sign all the forms, etc. Then we leave and wait for my sister to get out of the meeting with her amazingly great counselor. She comes out about 5 minutes later. Then, mom storms out of the office and Iquo and I look back and there's all this commotion in the hall and Bedwetter is sprawled out all over the floor unconscious!! Iquo and I looked at each other, ran out and just laughed.
"What did mom do??" she asked.
"Made her do her job for once."
"Hahaha." (Yeah, I know we're evil but the woman put me through so much shit for four years.) "Mom made her faint!"
And after thinking about it, I realized that she had! My mother had put the lazy ass woman under so much pressure to actually do her job that she couldn't handle it. It was classic. From then on she was always afraid of me and avoided me as much as possible.
There's more afterwards from after I graduated but I'm sick of typing this story.
So there it is. How my mother made my guidance counselor faint from fatigue.
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