Romantic experience.
I really am a hopeless Romantic. And I had one of those today. Of course, I needed the unyielding help of my awesome best friend. I won't see him again for at least six months. A year if I get one of those internships. Which makes me very sad and put out. But I'm leaving again (or parting, rather) with that great feeling of assurance that he'll be there on the other side of the long absence, and that somehow, the distance won't be so great.
Anyway, back to Romantic Experience. As usual, I do crazy things with that boy, like climbing. Or something to do with crazy things that I'd never do otherwise, like run from police or have a reason to. He said we should do that again. I rolled my eyes but secretly agreed. I think.
Today, somehow, he got me to climb on the ledge of the fence of the little porch, pavilion without a roof thing in the back of the park by the little innocent looking stream. I got on by the tree, because it seemed safe to me. But then he made me walk. So I stepped a few feet. Or inches, rather. I shuffled a few inches. And I still held onto the tree and was shaking with fright.
"Come on. Step. Step now! Or I'll push you off!"
"No! NO! I can't, I can't! Don't you understand? I'm terrified."
"I know!" he said. "Do it! Just do it!"
"I CAN'T!"
"Let go of the tree!"
I tremble in terror.
"Here. Hold my hand."
So I end up grabbing both and remain trembling and somehow step and step and step. Until I'm all the way around. But I can't get down once he lets go and I feel isolated and alone and on the brink of death standing like a pillar on the ledge with nothing but air between me and the ground a long way down.
He comes up to me again and I grab his hand again and slide down onto the step that's really a seat. I huddle up in the corner.
"See? This is safe, Mark. See? Safe!"
He smiles and walks around the platform. He goes to explore the bridge being built and tells me I should go walk across the water on the outside of it. No way. He comes back.
"I'll do it again," I say.
"Really?"
"Yeah." To get rid of the fear.
"You know you're the only one I'll ever do this with, right?"
He gives me one of those evil devil smiles of his and that look I can't describe and says, "I know."
I hate it when he knows. But I love it, too.
So we go around again and it's not as scary this time. And then he wants me to go around backwards. I refuse. I refuse. I refuse!
"I'll do it," I say.
"Really?" He gets excited.
"Yes. Just so I can say I did. But it's scary. I'm terrified. I mean it! I'm terrified."
"I know."
I climb up again. He holds the backs of my arms. Above the elbows.
"Don't let go," I say.
"I won't."
"Step back. Left. Right. Step. Step."
And so it goes.
I swear I almost fell and died at least four times. But he caught me. Which means I didn't almost fall and die. Because I knew he wouldn't let me.
And I made it around backward.
Afterward, we leaned on the fence and looked over at the stream but not really. I was still shaking from the terror. But it wasn't as bad.
"You know, I don't trust many people with anything," I say.
"I know."
"And I just trusted you with my life."
"I know."
Then we were silent for a while.
"I'll miss you. I miss you already."
"I miss you, too," he says. "You and your stupid school so far away."
"I'm sorry," I say. "But I love it there. It's not my fault it's so far."
"It sucks."
"So if I really get the bug for this religion thing, I'll think about it. And you'll be happy."
"Mmm."
"But I won't. I can't leave. You know that."
"Yeah...I should be home in ten minutes."
"Then we should leave."
"Yeah."
We turn to leave.
I think I hugged him for too long. But it's all right. It makes up for all the ones that won't happen after today. At least for a while.
We got into my driveway. The sad parting place of every friend of mine. We talked a little again but there wasn't any time. So I said, "I'll miss you. I miss you so much."
"I miss you, too," he said.
"Yeah. I should go now so I don't break down and cry."
I hugged him again. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Tal."
"Thanks," I said as I got out of the car.
Before I closed the door I turned around and looked at him.
"Thank you...for being my friend."
"And thank you for being mine."
That was the last thing we said. I closed the door and I couldn't see him anymore because of the reflection of the trees in the window. So I turned and walked back to my front door. I looked back once and he was still there on the street. My hand pulled my keys out of my bag and I looked down at them, then back to where he had been but he wasn't there anymore.
But he'll be there, I think. He'll be here. For a long, long time.
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