I'm looking for something right now that doesn't exist tonight.

I think that it might be connection. The best part is, I thought it was lost. Maybe it is lost. But it's not really. At least not for now, not for the time being. Each time I've thought it was lost, it's come back and proved me wrong. I'm still hesitant to trust it, though. Remember the last time I did that? There was a two-year lapse.

I'll admit it. I feel guilty. For not being there because I'm not able to be when you were always there every moment I needed you. You were even there when you weren't because that was the way I needed you then in order to make me stronger, to grow this person who has become whatever this is of me.

Just go.

Remember? Remember? Just go.

Restraint isn't worth it you know it's never worth it and I don't understand all these people because I just go with it you see you see I just go with it and the glow and the beat all merge into one and me and the rest of itand the rest of it

See me becoming someone else again?

This happens sometimes and it scares the shit out of me but i love it i love it i love it and i'm mad mad mad

i guess it's worth it i guess it's worth it because it's air and i can finally breathe freely againthis hasn't happened in a long timeand i've missed this kind of airthis kind of thought

I used to blame it on Sibyl Freid.

But she's gone mostly now and it's all me because that's all it ever was in the first place.

Answer! Answer!

Or you'll see a whole dialogue that's all made up but not really because the world's always clearer in the imagined one

I don't think I'm supposed to die tonight
but i just mighti just might

i'm all slipping sliding now in the mind with the words and they're all bleedingblendingtogether and i can't tell the differenceand i don't want to

it's someting else with me and them and all of the words and i can't breathe without them because they're the air and i suffocateand you suffocate meand you suffocate along with us and i can't tell the differencebetween me or you or fake and real andis there really a differencei don't think so

everyone reads me be crazy

there' s no other me

it's all clear here

i see it i see and the wave is back and the ink is back and i see it i see it do you see it i see it and i want it and i want it to kill me so i don't have to look anymore into anything but black on black and white and i'll be nowhere but behind it all

i don't think i'm supposed to die tonight
but i just mighti just might

you think you've got hypergraphia?

think again
think again
think again
think again

write until you can't think anymore and then you're crying crying crying but it's really about dying and i was there when i was born you know i was there when i was born but i can't stop crying ever on the inside i can't stop crying ever on the inside and i forgot how to laugh in there until he came and i can't help him now i can't help him back so i'm worthless i'm inadequate and i can't help him back

i'll never find the way out of this

never never never never never never never never never never never nevernevernevernevernevernevernevernever

Now you see how I fester within myself?

I don't see anything but ink
and i can't breathe anything but ink
and i can't live anything but ink
but the ink isn't real

it's the inkling behind it

and that's words and their meanings and sometimes it's nothing at all and that's what i'm made of so nothing at all and nothing at all and nothing at all and nothing at all and sometimes a glimpse of what could have been great and what might be great in time to come but we'll never get there together because another will another will and it won't be me because i run out i run out i run out of it and i can't take it all like this and sibyl's screaming gold on the wall and in my life that's everything that never was and everything that never will be so i'm just like her, sibyl freid, i'm just like her.