A few days away is a good thing. No more fighting. No animosity. No awkwardness.

Hung out with Kate and Adam at Kat's house last night and played Scrabble until I got 42 points for the word DAZE on a triple word score. James still beat me by eleven points or something. Oh well. I'm still proud of DAZE. Then Kate got drunk on Time, I suppose, because she'd been up so long so she and Adam left and James and Kat and I talked until about 1am. Then I was falling asleep so we left and said good-bye to Kat and James walked me home. The moon last night was incredible when it was low on the horizon. Huge, orange. Beautiful.

Just took a shower. Good to wash away the filth of New York City and all that baggage. Family isn't healthy for me so I'm going to stay away for as long as possible. I'll come home for the B'nai Mitzvah in February. But Kat asked me to come to Florida and stay with her over winter break. I'm going to try and sublet an apartment here for the summer and get a job and/or internship which should be good.

Family just reminds me of the past and plants the past right down in front of me with the past uprooted, spraying dirt all over my head. It's the kind of dirt that never really goes away so I can't escape no matter how much I try to scrub. So I got back and had another episode. Uriel was there but Kat and James took me away and talked to me so I could look away from him. Then I started doubting if they're my friends because they feel bad for me or if they really care. Of course they'll never tell the truth if it's the former. That means I have to trust them and I will.

I'm sorry I'm becoming a ghost to you now by spreading the distance and time. But if I don't I'll become a ghost for real and I'm not ready to give up any of this world quite yet.