Everything is so complicated now. The more I delve into this, the worse it gets, the more I am enlightened as to the gravity of the situation. I realized last night that it is far more serious than I ever thought. Sitting here, paralyzed at my desk, luckily, a friend showed up. A really, really great friend. Now friends are more precious than ever and I find myself loving them too much to hurt them. So I called my best friend up today after talking to my parents about the situation for over an hour and told him we couldn't ever talk again because it would hurt his career and his life in general just to be associated with me. It hurt. I think it hurt more than anything because I can't even bring myself to realize what just happened--what's happening and gaining in momentum as each second passes. He said he didn't care, that he'd talk anyway, so I sent him to my parents so that they could explain slightly more than what I can to him. The less he knows, the better. As everything piles upon me and as each new fact comes clear, it just becomes more confusing and I sense more and more of a deception and scandal, some kind of plot to which I see no motivation. Due to this fact, I am taken more aback because I realize that I am looking at but a dot of the greater picture, and that picture is absolutely unapparent to me. I must find the answers, but first, I have to find out which questions to ask. My parents told me not to travel anywhere alone. I can't do that all the time. I'm involved and I can't stay put if there isn't someone to walk with me. However, my guard is up more than ever now. Now this: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I hate politics. They're stupid in essence but have an iron grip on this world of ours and once we're trapped there is no turning back and I'm deep, deep in. Luckily I'm still swimming, but I do admit that I fear drowning.