It's too easy to fall in love. Sometimes you meet amazing people and you can't help it. You're plunging down before you know what's happening. So of course, there's me, saying no no no all the while and the ground's so close, I've already landed. But it's been like my whole life but only a few days. Just a few days and I've poured out the universe and he gets it. And I've heard his share, too. But of course, I say nothing because of course someone else gets him. And the someone else is a good friend. For now, I don't know her opinion, her emotions, etc etc, but I'm loyal to both so I say nothing. Nothing, I say, because it would ruin it for everyone.

Well, we'll see what happens. Looks like we'll be living together next year if all goes well. James! And Dan! And Shawn! and me! And Becca! And Willa! and ME! and someone... we have to work on that. I LOVE CLARK. Amazing, amazing, amazing people go here.

So for the first time in my whole life someone looked at me and said "You have a really great smile," and I didn't look away. Later they said "I think we work really well together" but it wasn't "in that way" and that makes me sad, so I was awkwardly silent and asked what's wrong with me.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked.
"Nothing. You're one of the most amazing, talented, beautiful (and yes, I'll say beautiful even though I know you hate hearing that but it's true), creative, intelligent, inspiring people I've ever met in my life....[And because of that] the past week has really been great. I've found my place. I've finally found the people I can be with and not pretend."

Not pretend to be anyone but his bare self. Me too. Me too. Oh, God, me too. Not pretend to be anyone but my bare-boned self reaching out through time and space and earth and sky and air and here I am me myself and I and there's nothing obstructing, protruding from the crevasses no crevasses and that's just me just you just me and it's all here and I'm spilling full-blooded ink here again. Full-blooded ink spilling here again and I'm loving and being loved and loving the being loved like you and me and they and she and he and all those I never saw or met or you neither but it's there--they're there and I'm loving it for the sheer joy of it and hearing and singing and silence at last. I'm loving it for the sheer nakedness of it at long long last.